A Few Steps I Took To Heal From My Past
For many years I told my husband that I would know I was healed when my body didn't shake uncontrollably and my voice didn't quiver when talking about my childhood.
Even to this day, there are still areas that cause anxiety in me, but I continue to learn to surrender to the process of healing and love every day.
Healing from abuse or trauma is more than gaining emotional and physical freedom. There are also steps to take for mental health.
Taking these steps has been crucial in order to be a complete human being for my husband, children, and social life. If you're just starting your own healing process or need a boost, then you've come to the right place.
Step 1: Choose To Forgive
I realize this may be a hard pill to swallow and doesn't sound like a "boost", but it's the first major step toward internal freedom... if... you choose. Ultimately this is a choice that you willingly make depending on how far you want to go on your healing journey.
Choosing to forgive was extremely difficult for me for many years. The first year of marriage to my husband was the actual "awakening". (To read my story, click here)
Growing up, I ignored the memories and feelings and suppressed everything as a survival mechanism.
However, within the first months of being married, all the memories, emotions, and feelings that I ignored came rushing to the surface. It felt as if I was experiencing everything again.
I could no longer ignore anything. Sometimes I would be up at 2 and 3 am crying until I had no more tears.
Forgive? How is that even possible?
It took many long years of sleepless nights and countless hours of breaking through the mental images and deep anxiety to feel the feelings of forgiveness.
I trained myself to forgive because I knew that holding resentment and bitterness would destroy my life. Every day, every hour, every second anytime a memory or a feeling would arise I would say to myself, "I choose to forgive". Even in the feelings of hate, I would say, "I choose to forgive".
In my heart, I surrendered to the feeling of love for the little girl in me. It took a long time, but eventually, I started feeling that I was worthy of healing, abundance, and freedom. I finally started believing that I was enough.
Loving yourself enough to free your heart and mind from what others have done to you is one of the most amazing accomplishments in life!
It's victory for your soul!
Choose forgiveness and allow love to fill the places where pain lives. It's not easy. It's a choice. And one day you will reap the rewards of your persistence to live in freedom.
I've come a long way, but I know I have a long way to go. I continue the journey of forgiveness every day to this day. I'm always working on living my best life despite what happens outside of me. I alone am responsible for me and how I respond to things outside of my control and within my control.
Step 2: Separate From The Relationship and The Person
Right now, if you are in an abusive relationship, please reach out and get help. You need to leave that environment and those people/person. For you to heal and forgive, you must separate yourself for your own well-being.
For me, the abuse happened when I was growing up, so I didn't have the choice or the awareness to separate myself from the person. However, as an adult, I've had to make those decisions for the sake of my healing.
You might think the decision to separate myself was a no brainer, but it was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I wanted more than anything for life to be normal when around this person, but it just couldn't be so. Even though they were apologetic for the wrongs they had done, I still had to protect my mind and heart.
So, I continue on the journey of healing and I surround myself with people who will further me toward that healing and freedom.
It may not be easy, but your future is worth that decision.
3. Get A Healing Journal
I don't know where I would be if I didn't have a pen and paper! This has been one of the best tools for healing for me. I write everything that I'm feeling and thinking when I go through (what I call) a healing wave.
A healing wave is what others would call "being triggered". I describe it as a healing wave for me. It's when you're minding your own business, living life, raising kids, doing chores, having a conversation, and BOOM! Out of nowhere, you experience a wave of emotion regarding your past.
I'm not sure if this is also PTSD, but we'll just call it healing waves. I no longer resist them when they come because I realized that resisting them builds them. So, I let them come and I sit there and I feel all the emotions.
I feel the sadness, the grief, the loss, the pain, whatever comes I allow it. Then I write. Through my tears, I direct my feelings onto the page as if I'm talking to someone about it. If I'm in public, I slip away and jot notes on my phone. I remind myself that I'm not alone and I'm going to be okay. I remind myself that I'm surrounded by abundant love and that abundance is my birthright.
You may find it helpful to write a letter to the person, or people, who mistreated you. That's fine too. Write it down, but throw it out, shred it, or burn it. Use that letter to remind you you're letting it all go so you can live an abundant life.
Remember, your healing isn't letting them off the hook. Healing is for you, babe! It's your nourishment! It's yours, so you don't have to live in a prison in your mind.
Sure, forgiveness means a lot to someone who is seeking it from you, but forgiveness is to free you! Healing is for your heart, and anyone who is truly sorry for whatever they've done would be happy that you're on that healing journey.
Those are a few of the steps I have taken to bring healing and freedom into my life. If this resonated with you, or if you know someone who you think needs this post, please share it. And let me know what it meant to you! I would love to hear from you!
You can find me on Facebook, or send me an email and let's connect!
As always, I'm sending you love and hugs today! I hope your day went well!
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