Am I Worthy?
Updated: May 1
I had a small inner experience last night (at the time of this writing) that really took me back mentally and emotionally. It was a feeling I thought I had already overcome.
Much to my surprise, I had the old familiar feelings of whether or not I deserve things in my life that bring me joy. I know, I know...it's hard to believe that I would question things like this, but if you knew me years ago...truly knew me...you would understand.
So here's what happened...
I was placing an online order for some nail products. I was excited because I love it when my nails are done. I have always loved nails since I was a girl.
My grandmother (on my dad's side) always kept her nails manicured and painted. Even though they were super long and I didn't like that too much, they still were always well kept and fresh.
I was excited to have a new product that would hopefully keep my manicure longer. Before, during, and after placing this order, I struggled inside with the question of whether or not I deserve these products!
Deserve? It's freaking nail stuff!
What am I even thinking?
I mean, part of me felt good about it, or I wouldn't have been shopping in the first place.
So why am I having these thoughts and feelings? I mean, this is completely ridiculous...right?
Years before, I would have sulked in these feelings, not knowing what to do about it, and I would struggle to enjoy even the tiniest of things that would make me happy.
For a long time, I felt that I didn't deserve nice things for my happiness. I always secretly felt guilty for being happy. It didn't matter what it was...I felt guilty about having it.
When I look back on my life, I can't believe the way I thought about myself and happiness. The truth is that many people struggle with these feelings, and much, much more!
This feeling of undeserving stems from the unworthiness I struggled with since I was a child. Now, hear me out. This isn't about products or some superficial way of living. This is about feeling deserving of happiness even in the smallest of ways, without shame, guilt, or fear.
With all of the years of inner work I've been doing to heal from learned patterns of my past, I was surprised to find that I still have work to do in this area. I was equally amazed that I'm able to recognize these things and continue transforming my life!!!
Years ago, I would have been victim to these feelings, shrinking my demeanor, feeling inadequate and small. Those feelings had become a pattern of behavior for me and became part of my personality.
Of course, on the surface to everyone else, I appeared happy, grateful, and humble. However, internally I held myself back from experiencing joy in the simple things of life.
How I overcame (and continue to overcome) unworthiness
Are you ready for this mind-blowing, amazing, revelation on what I did???
I repeated to myself...
I AM WORTHY of anything I desire to have, do, or be in my life.
It's literally THAT simple!
Okay...simple, but definitely not easy and it took a while to transform my mindset and change my life because the old story I told myself was wedged tightly in my DNA! I had to change the story in my head.
I think I speak for everyone on planet Earth when I say that change is not easy. Methods of change may be super simple, but change itself is super difficult.
I learned that by years of repeating the same depressing rhetoric to myself about myself was getting me nowhere! In fact, I kept repeating the very cycles that I complained about!
So, I learned how to change the story and begin repeating empowering statements that energized me and set me on the path of my dreams!
I said things like...
I am worthy of an abundant life of all the good I desire.
I am worthy of having great friends who love me for who I am and help guide me toward the greatest version of myself.
I am worthy of respect because I respect myself.
If reading any of these statements makes you cringe inside, then maybe that's your internal signal that there's some work that needs to be done.
Where It All Begins
Until we are able to think and do for ourselves, we live from the perspective of those who have raised us. Those who have raised us have learned from the perspective of those who raised them, and so on as far back as you can imagine.
Then, even though we are perfectly capable of gaining our own perspectives as we grow older, we mostly continue to live by the views and opinions of how we were raised. Sometimes we never change the way we've been raised because for many people it's a comfort.
If we as children learned a life of hardship and defeat, and if we don't change our perception of life from that perspective, we will forever see life from that perspective.
In reality, most of us have lived through some sort of hardship growing up. So, the question is...What now? Do you want to always believe that life is hard to get through?
Of course, life isn't easy, but the truth is that you can write a new story about life that serves you, rather than one that holds you back.
You can begin believing that life is full of beautiful moments. That you're always in right place, at the right time, with the right people. You can begin believing that every day is a miracle and filled with unexpected blessings for you to experience!
If any of this sparks something inside of you, that's the part of you that is ready for a new story! Don't ignore it.
What do you tell yourself???
What are the stories in your head???
I used to beat myself up over my mistakes so much that I made even more mistakes. I lived in a cycle of screwing things up. Being constantly focused on it made it extremely difficult to change.
When I began to focus on my strengths and work on building a new belief system, my mistakes became less. I focused more on who I wanted to be rather than who I didn't want to be.
I still make mistakes every day, but now I have the attitude that mistakes aren't final and just because I make them, doesn't mean I am them.
Life is much more exciting and peaceful when you awaken to the greatness inside of you. This isn't the kind of greatness that is conceded or arrogant. It's the kind of greatness that means you are more than your circumstances. You have the potential to rise above anything in your life and make the best of who you are out of any situation.
Becoming the greatest version of yourself means that you refuse to be a victim of circumstance. You are a survivor of life and a warrior over your own thoughts.
You can do, have, and be anything you want! Don't limit yourself by a learned perception of life. It's time to write a new story. It's time to live abundantly!
Life is meant to be abundant in every good way! Sure, stuff happens, but you don't have to live a life always looking back. Change your perspective and look ahead!
Think about it...nature is abundant all around us! The grass, the trees, the soil, the oceans...there is an abundance of it. Why shouldn't we live life in the same way???
There is an abundance of beauty and splendor waiting for you to experience on the other side of the limitations of doubt and fear!
I hope I have awakened something inside of you today! I love life and even the challenges that arise because I now see them as opportunities for growth, not setbacks of defeat!
If you would like to connect with me on social media, you can find me on Facebook or Instagram.
Also, I have a private community on Facebook for women who have been abused. If you or someone you know has experienced trauma or abuse in life, please join us and be surrounded by supportive, loving women on their own journey toward healing.
As always, sending love and hugs to you from my heart to yours!
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