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Let Fear Be Your Motivator (What is stopping you)


Woman looking at freedom through bars (picture from Unsplash)
Don't let fear stop you from fulfilling your highest potential


Most of what I write about are lessons learned, epiphanies, and positive inspiration. What I have to say today is a little intense, but if you stick with me, I believe you will have something to gain from this post.


To begin, I am the type of person that feels emotions very deeply. I know many people do, but some don't, so I thought I'd bring a little clarity about who I am.


I feel emotions like love and passion, joy and peace very deeply. When I feel negative emotions, they are as intense as (if not more than) the positive ones.


For as long as I can remember, I have fought being controlled by negative emotions. I've always tried to resist and overcome them. In resisting the negative emotions, I self-sabotaged and created more of what I didn't want to feel. The very thing I tried to avoid, I brought to myself.


Can you relate?


There's a saying that goes...


What you resist persists.


Where is your attention? What are you most focused on? If you're focused on, "I don't want to feel this way," then you will have more of feeling that way. All you're doing is bringing in more of that energy. You're focusing so hard on what you don't want to feel that you're creating more of those feelings.


Quick Tip: Get clear on what it is you truly want. Focus on that and how you want to feel. Eventually, you will find yourself naturally aligning with that desire and the fears will fade away.


Recently, life has forced me to sit with intense negative emotions, and as much as I don't want to feel them, I've thought (within the last few days), "What if I didn't try to overcome any of them?" "What if I felt them and allowed them to be there, and did nothing"? That has been a huge idea for me to try to accept!


The questions that I've asked myself are, "Who am I with these feelings," and, "Who do I want to be on the other side of them?" (feelings are temporary, even if they feel really big. They won't last forever.)


My goal right now is to understand how to accept my emotions and take them with me throughout my day. Stop resisting them. Stop trying to make sense of them. Stop trying to control them. Just let them be. Let them teach me who I am. Then I will have the mental capacity to begin thinking about what I truly want.


What if we ONLY felt good all of the time? Where is the contrast in that? Life is meant to have ups and downs. That's how we grow and evolve. In my opinion, feeling good one hundred percent of the time would feel like a shallow existence. There would be no depth, no real passion, no drive, and no growth.



To reach the nutrient-filled juice of a coconut, the hard shell has to be broken. Life has a way of breaking our hard shells so that we can access the good stuff inside. The tasty stuff. The stuff that will refresh, enrich, and revitalize us with new focus and new strength.




Feeling difficult emotions allows us to see what we want and don't want within ourselves and our lives. In essence, as stated above, our negative emotions give us contrast.


Yesterday, as I was trying to muster the mental energy to finish a project, I decided to stop what I was doing and go for a walk. I was frustrated because I wasn't feeling fulfilled in what I was doing, but I didn't have clarity in that moment to know what exactly I did want to do. Before my walk I scrolled Facebook and came across a post that struck me like a bolt of white hot lightning.


It was a post within a group that I'm not even part of, that had something to do with the dream business I once had, but I had stopped pursuing it because of personal fears.


I'll get to that later. This post hit me in the face and I immediately knew in my gut that if I didn't get clarity on it, I was somehow going to miss the train that was heading in the direction that I once longed to go. So, I got dressed and went outside.


The place I'm currently at right now has a very steep hill. Walking up that hill once is enough to leave me gasping for air. However, I continued to push through.


While walking up this hill, I thought about recent events in my life. Conversations and feelings that brought me to this exact moment. I thought about even the strange fear of walking up the hill and not being able to breathe. This was strange because I never felt the fear of walking up a hill and not being able to breathe.


So, I knew I was dealing with something deeper.


Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was missing out on my purpose! I knew I was! I knew in my gut that I had talked myself out of an incredible opportunity in life! The opportunity I once had, but gave up because of my fears.


Tears filled my eyes as I looked at my life and realized, "What have I done"?


Fear became my motivator.


I had heard that fear is a motivator before. I cognitively understood this idea, but this time it became an understanding in my gut.


I had the intense painful realization that I was missing out on an amazing life of doing something I was destined to do, because I'd allowed myself to be swallowed by fear. Instead of using fear to guide me toward a deep, passionate, fulfilling life, I have shrunk behind the what if's and deep feelings of inadequacy.


Fear has always been something I've fought against, not run with. I may have had moments of my life where I "did it terrified", but I didn't have that same tenacity in other areas like I should have.


What I should have been doing is walking with fear. Up the hill, downhill, sideways (metaphorically speaking), etc. I should have been bringing fear with me, befriending it as a needed companion, allowing it to guide me toward my dreams.


I used that hill yesterday to teach me the importance of pushing through my irrational fears (of losing oxygen) and allowing myself to "sit" in the emotions within my life, giving myself grace.


I encourage you to think about what has been holding you back. Has fear been holding you back?


Fear is simply an emotion like all the others and it is powerful. Fear can keep us in a cycle of defeat and loneliness. Or, fear can motivate us toward the greatness we so desperately long to live in. How we use that emotion is either to our detriment or to our fulfillment.


I long to live a fulfilling life, doing what I love with the people that I love, but I've struggled to find what drives me without the looming feelings of fear. But there will never be an escape from fear. It will always be present and we must decide how we're going to live our lives with it, not resisting it.


Anything worthy of your commitment of love, time, and energy will come with feelings of fear.

When I look beyond my fears and insecurities, I realize that love is at the center. I genuinely love helping people with their mindsets. Hince this blog!


When I try to navigate toward other topics to write about, it fizzles out inside of me. It falls flat and I feel no zeal for it. I'm even creating coloring books right now, with encouraging messages, because I want to help people.


Yesterday, I realized that when I am encouraging others, motivating them to think differently, and helping them to see the bigger picture beyond the negative stories in their heads, I feel like I could fly. I love helping them to heal, recover, refocus, and reclaim their lives.




It lights me up inside, but I've been afraid to climb "that hill". The hill of the dream business I told you about earlier. I started my coaching business a few years ago and became terrified to continue after my first client. There was nothing wrong with the client. It was me. I was afraid. I wasn't afraid of failing. I was afraid of succeeding and then failing. So, I didn't even try any further.


I allowed fear to blind me from my potential, rather than let it push me toward my greatness, and toward freedom for others. Then, it clicked! A light came on inside of me and I was able to identify my core fear with a real understanding.


My core fear has been:

"What if I disappoint them?"


That's it! That has been what has kept me in my hard shell. The fear of disappointing someone. That has been the fear I've lived with since I was a very small child. Being afraid of disappointing anyone has been my entire life's focus. It's part of what created the codependency that I work on healing every day. It's what has kept me from telling my full story publically. It's what has made me play small and stay safe.


As I sit here after typing that, it's even more real than it was yesterday.


I cried while walking that hill yesterday. There's no telling what neighbors thought. I didn't care.


I started to feel overwhelming regret for how I've lived my life. Not that I've completely screwed up, but where would I be now had I only seen the light sooner? Even now, the tears flow because I could have been so much farther along if only I had seen the truth with my own eyes. Even when my husband, my biggest cheerleader tried to tell me, I couldn't see past my fears.


I walked up and down that hill 4 times breathless and crying. I realized the pain of missing out felt greater to me than my limiting beliefs and inadequacies. The pain of not fulfilling my highest potential and not helping others reach theirs felt greater than the pain of my insecurities. The fear of regret became bigger than my fear of stepping out.


Fear became my motivator.


If used in the wrong way, fear will cost you everything. It will cost you your dreams, your relationships, living in your fullness, and so on. My biggest fear now is regret. I'm no longer trapped by the fear of disappointing people. To me, regret is the most powerful motivator I could have ever hoped for.



What has fear cost you? Would you rather play it safe? Walk a straight and easy path? Live a life of ease and contentment?


Or, do you want a juicy life filled with turns and twists, ups and downs, highs and lows, learning, growing, and evolving into your greatness?


I choose the latter. I choose to befriend fear. I choose to live on the edge. I choose to climb hills. I choose growth. I choose passion. I choose life!!!


Do you believe in redemption?


I do. The great thing about life is that you can choose a do-over! It's never too late to be who you truly are in your courageous self!!! Take it from me. Someone who has time after time allowed her life to be defined by fear and worry. Don't live your life afraid to be the best version of yourself.


You can choose, right now, to be defined by love, passion, joy, forgiveness, and peace all while climbing difficult hills.


That said, I am opening back up my coaching business for women. I cannot imagine doing anything else in this life. This is what I'm here for. I told my husband a few months ago that if I could make a living encouraging people, that's all I want to do for the rest of my life! The pain of NOT helping people in this way is much greater than the pain of my limiting beliefs. I want to help people through what I have also walked through.


If you want in, email me at...


Tell me your name and a little bit about yourself and we'll set up a FREE 30-minute call to see if you and I can work together to take you to the top of your hill.


My heart's desire is to see you healed and thriving! I believe in you and your potential. I believe in your greatness. I know what it is to come out of childhood abuse, feel like a complete mess, and learn how to heal. I know what it is to let fear keep you stuck in cycles of self-sabotage and then come out on the other side victorious!


I want to help you live victorious! I want to help you thrive! I want to help you realize your potential and see your own greatness! NOW is the time to climb your hill! It's time to refocus and decide how you want to live the rest of your life.


I don't know who said this, but I will end this post with a last statement:


Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.

Courage doesn't mean you don't feel fear. It means you're taking fear with you as your guide. Courage means you are no longer controlled by what you fear, but you control how you respond to fear.


Join me in being courageous. Let's make fear a motivator instead of a stumbling block.


I love you always and I look forward to hearing from you soon!


Your friend,

Charity














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