I saw something on social media today about friendship and it struck a deep chord. I watched a video of friends who worked together for many years, crying and hugging because the job was done and it was time to go home for the last time.
Of course, I teared up because I felt their emotions and identified with their feelings. So, it got me thinking about the value of friendship and what (I believe) makes a great friend!
Are you ready for honesty???
I hope so because I'm feeling really vulnerable to talk about this and as I've said previously, this blog is all about being my authentic self.
So... here we go!
Friendship has always been a challenge for me. It's true.
To my friends reading this, please don't take this the wrong way. You have done nothing wrong.
Without boring you with details, I have put up walls around my heart for years because of many experiences from my past.
Now that I'm on this lifelong journey of healing, it has become a little easier to "let people in". I am learning to accept people as they are while I learn more and more about who I am.
So I have made a list of 3 things I value in a friendship and really, I value these things in all of humanity, myself included.
1. Authenticity
This is so huge for me because I am working on this myself. It's something I value so much that I don't want to spend time with people who are not authentic.
The meaning of the word Authentic is, "not false or copied; genuine; real".
When we don't know who we are, we make ourselves into someone who we think others want us to be. I think it's okay to do that for a season because it brings contrast to your awareness. You find out who you are by learning who you're not.
However, some people never give up the charade. They never lay down the persona. They want to be liked so much that they pretend to be someone they think is likable to others. I know because I used to be this person.
The importance of being our authentic selves cannot be overstated. If we want to have genuine relationships we have to be genuine. Because I spent most of my life living the charade, I am still learning how to be authentic.
It hasn't been easy, but the more I am my genuine self the more freedom I feel and the deeper my relationships become!
2. Gratitude
I can't tell how huge this is for me!!!! I value this one so much! I have been around grateful people and I have been around ungrateful people, and I would much rather be with people who are grateful.
Gratitude doesn't mean you don't go through tough things in life. We all have bad days, weeks, months, or years (eh, hem ... 2020). It's how you go through the tough times that make the difference.
I can say real fast that I am not perfect by any means. So, I am not pointing fingers here. What I am saying is that gratitude transforms your perception of life and people. I love being in relationships with people who see the "bigger picture", who don't complain much, and have genuine gratitude for their lives!
3. Loyalty
Nothing hurts more than betrayal. There is a brokenness that betrayal brings that is very hard to heal from. Yes, you can heal, but it makes it hard to trust again.
This has been one of the reasons I struggled for many years with relationships outside of my immediate family. Trust is hard to regain once it's been broken and unfortunately, I spent years in a cycle of one betrayal after another.
For me, loyalty isn't about what you can do for me. Loyalty is within the character of a person. Many people are not taught this character trait. It's learned through hardships, through mistakes of their own. Loyalty in a relationship means you are faithful.
Many have a difficult time finding relationships with people who will love without judgment, have no hidden agendas, and have pure motives.
However, it is possible to find others with a good character because there are amazing people out there who love and value relationships in this way! Don't give up!
I experience life and relationships in a whole new way now because I am healing from my past and I believe in good people and good people surround me!
Loyalty is always something I am working on as well. I want to be authentic, grateful, and loyal to people as much as I want that for myself from others.
I hope we can all come to a place where we work on bettering ourselves each day to the point where we can heal each other, mend broken hearts, hear and be heard, love and be loved, see and be seen without judgments or false pretenses.
I love you all and am sending lots of hugs from my heart to yours! Thanks for your time and I'll see back here soon!
Love,
Charity
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