"If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me. Not the me you think I should be, not the me...my wife thinks I should be, not the me...my kids think I should be. If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me so I better know who me is." -Bill Gove
When I promised myself this year that I would start living an authentic life, I first had to know who I was. More than that, I had to begin changing the areas in my life that no longer served who I wanted to be. I have always judged myself based on the opinions of everyone around me. I sought approval from others close to me before I did anything of consequence. I almost missed opportunities for growth because of my desperate need for approval.
Upon hearing the above quote from Bill Gove, I had to take an honest look at myself and ask, "Who am I, "? Who am I outside of all that I have known? Who am I, apart from how others see me? Who am I...to me?
Hello. My name is Charity and I am a recovering people pleaser!
For years I felt that I was being unkind or inconsiderate of others if I didn't sacrifice my feelings for theirs. I hated it if someone didn't like me or disapproved of me for any reason. Their opinion of me mattered more than how I felt about myself. I had no idea the damage I was inflicting upon my future by living in this way.
Many people place enormous value in how they appear to others. I include myself in this statement because I have struggled, and still struggle, with it as well. Rather than loving and accepting yourself in every area of life, you beat yourself up. You lack confidence because you're so driven by what others think about you. Unfortunately, this is how people take advantage of others. When you don't value yourself, no one else will either.
Upon discovering this truth, I have embarked on a quest to know myself outside of everything I had ever known. It hasn't been easy, but I started by saying "No" to the things that no longer served the person I am becoming! Even if I could have said yes to people or situations, I had to start giving myself an emphatic "Yes" first! It has been difficult because I still deal with the familiar habits of people pleasing.
Yet, in this quest, I am learning how to become more aware of my intuition and focus on my future!
Listen To Your Gut
As humans, no matter the culture, race, or religion, we are all given the gift of intuition. Intuition is that gut feeling that tells us what's right or wrong for us. Intuition is a "knowing" that warns you, or gives you peace, about the next step in your journey. To be me, I had to know how to listen, trust and obey my own built-in navigating system. I had to turn off the noise of everyone else's opinion and create my own path.
Many well-meaning people want to tell you how you should live. But if it doesn't align with how you feel, and you do it anyways, it may take a long time to get on the path that is right for you. Their advice may be helpful, but make sure you're following the tugs of your own heart in everything you do.
How many pitfalls could we have avoided had we listened to the intense awareness inside of us? I have heard people say, and have even said it myself, "I should have listened to my gut. I knew I wasn't supposed to go, but I did it anyway." We ignore our internal GPS for various reasons, but the number one reason is the fear of what someone will think.
We play the "What if" game! What if I'm wrong about this and they laugh at me? What if I am seen as a snob? Something about her/him isn't sitting well with me, but I don't want to seem unfriendly. What if people judge me for not going to that party? Oh, I'll go anyways. What's the worst that could happen?
Most of the time, the fear of what others might think stops us from being ourselves. In reality, we allow their opinions to be in charge of our lives.
So, how do we break free? How do we STOP being afraid, say no to their opinions and start saying yes to ourselves?
This isn't a prideful and conceited love. This is a healthy respect for who you are and who you want to become. This kind of love knows that to be a light, you must value your own worth first. Many believe that they're not worthy of an abundant in life. This is a lie and a limiting belief, it is not the truth of who you are! You were made for more!
I believed a long time ago that I couldn't love myself without pride and arrogance involved. I mentally rejected my self-worth over and over. I believed that feeling worthy and good about myself was arrogant.
I now remind myself daily that I deserve to feel good about myself and I deserve a great life. The transformation in my life from this belief is taking place daily! Love and gratitude have become my guide and the voice of fear is less and less. I learned that fear is not evil. Fear is an emotion like anger, sadness, or joy. But, when fear becomes the main emotion you live by, your life becomes unbalanced.
Having gratitude and love brings balance to every emotion. You are no longer controlled by the negative emotions of fear. I am unashamed to declare that I love me! I love my mistakes and my successes! I love that I see my worth and that I am enough in this world, just as I am!
I love my life and I deserve abundance in all that is good! I work hard developing my strengths and I am okay with my weaknesses. I don't beat myself up anymore. I don't live in guilt and I give myself love and appreciation for my daily growth. Every day, I take care of my heart first. I live at peace with who I am, who I have been, and who I am becoming.
If you want to transform your life...
Get over your need for the approval of others. You will never grow into your greatness if you're waiting to feel validated by anyone.
Be intentional of how you want to live and be patient with yourself as you grow. Make clear decisions that will propel you into who you want to become. Create a beautiful vision of your future.
Focus your efforts on your growth to become that future version of yourself. Even if you make mistakes along the way, encourage yourself to keep moving forward. This is your life, if you mess up, get back up and try again. Stop dwelling on your past and keep moving forward!
Use your gift of intuition. Focus on how you feel inside before you make a decision and trust that feeling. Even if you feel fear. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Are you afraid of what someone will think of you? How would you feel if you made or didn't make that decision? Where is your peace? Develop your intuitive power by asking yourself questions and then listen for the answers. An easy way to think about this is to wait for that "red light, green light" tug inside!
Step out of your limiting box of old beliefs and start living an extraordinary life! Believe in who you are and who you want to be. Love yourself and love others the way you want to be loved.
Work on your growth daily. Respect the people who offer you advice, but above all, follow your heart!
It's time to be YOU. Don't be the you that everyone thinks you should be.
Be who you were born to be, but you better know who you are!
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As always, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs from my heart to yours!