My Teacher Cast A Spell On Me!
Updated: Apr 19, 2021
Okay, so the title may sound extreme, but it's what happened!
First, to be fair, no my teacher was not a witch.
Second, what does "spell" actually mean?
Dictionary.com says that the second definition for the word "Spell" is...
1. a word, phrase, or form of words supposed to have magic power; charm;
incantation: The wizard cast a spell.
2. a state or period of enchantment:
She was under a spell.
The deeper I dive into the world of personal growth, the more I learn about how truly powerful words are!
In his book, "The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz brings awareness to the "curses" we speak to ourselves and others. This is a great book for more insight into the words we speak and hear.
Usually, the negative words we say daily aren't deliberate or intentional to cause harm, in most cases. We all unconsciously have certain ways of conversing because of our upbringing and environmental conditioning.
Many people never give a second thought to how words affect their lives or the lives of others. To them...they're just words.
But words have so much more power than we realize!
Last night (at the time of writing this post) I started reading a brilliant book called "Limitless" by Jim Kwik.
My husband and I were so inspired by Jim Kwik's life story that we ordered his book as fast as we could. It was so liberating to know that he had the same struggles in life that I did, only it was under different circumstances.
Just in reading the first chapter, I realized I had beliefs about myself (that I have never noticed before) that have been holding me back for years from living the life I desired!
I had never pieced together those things until now. How liberating and adventurous it is to experience continual growth and freedom!
So, let's dive in...
For my entire childhood after the first grade and through my teen years, I struggled very hard in school. I learned at a very slow pace, especially in math. Math was my absolute WORST subject!!!
There was an incident in particular in the third grade that has stuck with me and deeply affected me emotionally.
For the life of me, (and if my life depended on it, I would have definitely died that day) I couldn't understand how to solve simple math problems. It was like being at a school in a foreign country. Everyone else understood the language except me.
My teacher tried explaining, but the more I didn't understand, the madder she became and the louder she spoke. Her reaction to my inability to understand made me even more incapable of understanding.
She was so upset with me she began yelling at me in front of the entire class. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I withdrew almost completely. I just wanted to disappear.
I guess her next idea of "waking up" my understanding was to show aggression. She vehemently marched to the back of the room, took out her paddle, and slammed it on my desk as hard as she could.
I and a few other classmates jumped in our seats. I felt my entire face turn beet red. My heart raced with fear, I broke out in a hot sweat and my stomach turned inside out.
Trying not to lose control and sob in front of my classmates, silent hot tears eeked out through my watery eyes and rolled down my very red face.
She then took that as an opportunity to shame and mock me for crying. It was after that they sent me to a special math class for slower learning students.
This memory still stings, but like everything else on my healing journey, I am learning how to cleanse my mind daily from the muck of my past and I'm becoming much stronger.
I did not know why I couldn't understand what was being taught at school, and why no one could help me. I tried very hard, but it felt impossible especially when the pressure was on from this teacher.
Not only that, but I carried the enormous weight of the secret sexual abuse and cover-up that I'd endured, which invaded every area of my life and mind.
The special math class they sent me to wasn't much help. I had major issues with retaining information. Almost everything I tried learning came with huge memory gaps in just a short time after learning it. It was also very hard for me to concentrate.
It frustrated my new math teacher as well. Only she was a little more patient.
However, she too could not "get through" to me. So, without consulting with a professional first, she decided to "diagnose" me with a learning disability.
Those words "learning disability" felt like a life sentence and in actuality, they were... until now. It was like putting a stamp on my forehead that read "failure, there's no hope for you" and sending me on my way. It felt abrupt and final.
The words "learning disability" were just the result of bigger problems and no one explained to me that it wasn't who I actually was.
It was a quick assessment to place a name on a deeper problem, but it was never the answer and only made life worse for me. Looking back, I know she didn't know this and she probably felt like she was doing her job.
However, the proverbial spell was cast and I accepted it as truth for my life.
Her "diagnosis" became the story of my life and the excuse in my head. I wore the label of "learning disabled" for the rest of my school years and on into adulthood.
Fast forward into middle school...
Things were so bad for me, educationally, they discussed placing me in the special education building with students that had moderate to severe physical and mental disabilities.
It devastated me to know that this was how I was perceived. It was a new level of insecurity and unworthiness.
I knew in my heart that I didn't fall into that category, but I didn't know what else to do. I had no educational proof that I could learn with all the other kids and I had no hope inside to even try to prove it.
As precious as people are with disabilities, I knew I was far from disabled.
Deep down I knew there was more to my life, but I was trapped in a prison that had been built for me. I didn't know how to rise above the labels, the opinions of others, the mental and emotional trauma, or that I even could.
I believed everything I was told and had no knowledge or willpower to think any other way.
To my surprise and relief, I never got placed in special ed, but I passed every grade by the skin of my teeth. I did the best I could with the "learning disability" I had, but it was misery.
However, my favorite subject was English and I love to write. If there is any proof that I am not learning disabled, it is this blog.
If you have been professionally diagnosed with a learning disability or any other mental disorder, I am not saying to ignore your doctor, especially if you are on medication. Please follow the guidance of your healthcare professional for your safety and mental health.
For me personally, I am referring to individuals who have been "diagnosed" or labeled by members of society who have no degree or authority to declare such things.
I have struggled extremely hard to move beyond this and still find myself having to overcome more. It's a continual choice I have to make to not sink back into what could have destroyed me...in every area of my life.
As a child, not only did I carry the enormous burden of my personal life, but I was also bullied by other classmates. I felt I could never measure up to my peers or rise above the way many of my teachers, and family saw me.
Whew! What a trip childhood was!
With all of that said...
I am SO grateful to be on this journey because NOW I get to heal my life; I get to heal my mind, and I get to help people overcome every negative word they've been told about themselves.
Let's take a moment to pause and think...
What spells have been cast on you in your life?
What spells have you cast upon yourself within your own mind?
What spells have you cast upon others?
Keep in mind, when I refer to "spells" I am talking about the negative, limiting beliefs that hold you back from living your best life.
I am talking about words, the ones in your head, that have kept you living in fear, unworthiness, or feeling like you're never good enough.
These are tough questions to ask and even tougher to explore and find an answer to, but you must go on the journey of self-discovery in order to be free.
You may have blindly followed the words of others throughout your life, not realizing they were leading you down a destructive path.
You may have innocently said things, maybe even in jest to others or about yourself, which has caused unseen emotional and mental damage.
The truth is...
The people who have (or had) influence in your life and whatever they said, are in the past. Even if it was yesterday. Their words no longer have power over you, if you so choose. But making the choice to overcome those words is a daily effort and shouldn't be taken lightly.
In addition, any negative thing you have ever said about yourself has the potential to no longer have power over you either...if that's what you choose!
We hold onto emotions by choice. Yes, there is a time to grieve and be angry over the negative, careless, and sometimes intentional things that have been said or done to us. But then there is a time where you have the choice to begin healing from it and eventually overcoming it.
Always remember that you have free will. You get to choose what you want to continually feel in your life. No matter what anyone has done to you, you eventually have to make the decision of whether or not you will stay in that story, or rise above it.
I can't stress this enough...EVERYTHING we hold onto in our minds is a choice!
Now that you've read this...
It is up to YOU to decide who you're going to be.
Those people and those words, should not get the privilege of determining your life for you!
There may have been even well-meaning people that gave bad advice or misjudged you, but they don't get to put a label on you and decide who you are!
You decide who you are! That's your freedom and your birthright!
The spell that was cast... The tale that was told... that story that once shaped your life doesn't have to be who you are!
I continue to overcome the mindset I had as a little girl!
I have to work on my mindset every single day and I stumble a lot!!! They embedded those words, among many others, into my DNA, and because I believed them, they shaped my reality.
Years and years of outside programming and conditioning shaped me into someone I was never meant to be!
I know I do not have a learning disability. Yes, it still takes me a minute to process things. Some days are worse than others. I still have some issues retaining information especially in conversations, but I refuse to accept any label that I do not personally identify with.
I do believe that everything I have struggled with has been the result of deeply suppressing the events of my childhood and the more I overcome in that area, the freer I am in my mind.
Shaking off labels that surrounded my life has been extremely difficult, but I have to keep reminding myself that I AM MORE than those labels.
Your story does not define you. It is your response to your story that defines you.
You are more than the labels placed on you!
It is up to you to change the narrative and give yourself a new story.
Also, it's NEVER too late to start!
Forgive the people who cast the spells on you, or wronged you, even if they're not sorry. Forgiveness isn't about them anyway.
Forgiveness is about making space in your heart to begin your healing journey.
Appreciate those tough times as an opportunity to grow, learn and re-write a new story... a new adventure!!!
A good way to start...
Literally, write a new story!
You don't have to be a talented writer.
Just take a piece of paper, a pen and begin writing all of your outstanding qualities like...
things you love about yourself
how friendly you are
how you cry when you see someone hurting
how you always gravitate to help someone in need
how well you budget your bank account
how great of a cook you are
how you're always organized and clean
how well you take care of your family
how you try to be kind to people who are unkind
how you try to let go of offense in order to have better relationships.
Whatever you're exceptional at! Write it down!
Don't worry. You're not bragging.
You're simply noticing that there's more to you than (meets the eye... ok... sorry... that was nerdy.), the negative stories you've been told about yourself.
Think about everything you love about yourself and build a new YOU from that paper. It's your life! You are free to build whatever you want!!!
Read it every day and memorize it!
You will soon realize that all of those limiting beliefs and spells disappear like magic!
You are the creator of your future story! You get to create a life of worthiness and love! It is up to you to define your future.
You have free will and you get to decide who you want to be!
Choose an exciting, invigoration, and glorious adventure!!!
Sending love and hugs from my heart to yours!
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